Narcissists and other psychos…

I have been reading about Narcissism or more precisely, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Esther Buzard Kiner describes the disorder this way. “An individual with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), displays many symptoms which can go unnoticed for quite some time. These symptoms include (but are not limited to): lacking in empathy; takes advantage of other people to achieve their goals; feels a heightened sense of importance; requires constant attention, admiration and praise; has unreasonable expectations of others and expects to be treated favorably at all times; has fantasies of success, power, wealth, or fame; exaggerates intelligence, talents, and achievements; and reacts to criticism with feelings of rage.” Who is Esther Buzard Kiner? She is the survivor of a 17 year marriage to a narcissist.

The DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition) uses this language for Narcissistic Personality Disorder: An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts.

Here is the DSM IV language for Paranoid Personality Disorder: A psychiatric diagnosis characterized by paranoia and a pervasive, long-standing suspiciousness and generalized mistrust of others.

Those with PPD are unlikely to form many close relationships and are typically perceived as cold and distant. They are quick to challenge the loyalty of friends and loved ones and tend to carry long grudges.

I don’t know which is more damaging to children, a narcissist or a paranoid personality in their world.

I have lived with both types, under one roof: a paranoid father and a narcissistic brother. My father was diagnosed with PPD in his late 40s when my mother tricked him into going to a psychiatrist. There was no real treatment for the condition then and my mother had to deal with my father’s last years as best she could. There were 3 children still living at home, my brother (the narcissist) and two sisters. My eldest brother and I had moved out of my parent’s home and were finishing up our college degrees.

If one personality disorder can cause another, I believe my father’s paranoia was a contributing factor in my brother’s narcissism. According to the Cleveland Clinic’s website, “…narcissism results from extremes in child rearing …narcissistic personality disorder might develop as the result of neglect or abuse and trauma inflicted by parents or other authority figures during childhood.” My brother’s very fragile self esteem was vulnerable to my father’s emotional unavailability, instability and rages.

My father is dead but my brother goes on. I have severed contact with him because I do not want to be treated badly when he has the need to feel superior. There is enough insanity in the world and I don’t want to have it festering on my doorstep. My two sisters were damaged by my father’s mental and physical cruelty, and later by my brother’s lack of empathy and unreasonable expectations. They endured until they were old enough to move away. I can still see the emotional scars they carry as adults. My brother continues to live at home with my mother. He will never leave.