I am distressed about the state of Truth and Logic in America.
Definitions first:
truth - noun
the true or actual state of a matter, a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like, honesty; integrity; truthfulness.
log⋅ic - noun
the science that investigates the principles governing correct or reliable inference, reason or sound judgment, as in utterances or actions.
I’m not sure when lying to accomplish a goal became OK. End justifies the means? The lies I see in videos of town hall meetings, speeches, writings, lectures, books, on the internet, etc. are getting larger and more bizarre. And fact checking is non-existent to refute these lies. Who are the fact checkers? History has been disregarded and historical figures misquoted to legitimize conclusions. There is no logic applied when formulating opinions. Who can we believe? What is the motivation? Power, money, legacy? Is America becoming tone deaf or going insane? Were we always this divided and willing to give our allegiance to a political party before allegiance to our country? Does this nation exist mainly to serve its “business oligarchs” with their legions of lobbyists? "We the people” have less and less influence over our country. Oh, we can vote, but now our votes are either bought or stolen. Ideological enclaves have sprouted up in various regions of the country and are sustained by cultural, societal, and familial bonds that stifle independence of thought. We have become slaves to the left or to the right. I am bewildered by it all. Should I believe what I have researched? Are the sources accurate? What proof do we have that anything is truthful or logical? One man’s truth and logic is anothers proof of fraud. My head aches each day from being assaulted by truthful/untruthful and logical/illogical theories hurled at me by the media. I think I’ll go live in a cave till someone sorts it out.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
A Milestone…
This month I’ll be celebrating my 25th wedding anniversary… and they said it wouldn’t last. It almost didn’t! But just about every marriage hits some major snag. Mostly we made it through the ‘I want a divorce’ scene with humor. I asked for a divorce and my partner said NO. I was being so angry and serious, and ‘NO’ broke me up.
It occurs to me that my partner usually wants to hold it together more than I do. There is a comfort zone in that for me. The knowledge that leaving IS an option and that I can leverage that option to my advantage allows me to be content in my marriage. I don’t have to keep score. I just remind myself that I can leave anytime I wish. Of course, after 25 years, I’d be hard pressed to find someone else who would humor me at my age and temperament, not that I’d want to do the marriage thing again, ever.
I love my partner. Being ‘in love’ is for those lucky enough to have found their soul mate. Not all of us are lucky enough to be married to our soul mates. Sometimes the knowledge that I am loved is enough. I have been loved and have loved several times in my life. They were intense, passionate relationships and might not have made good marriages. We don’t always get what we want, but we get what we need.
So my partner and I will take a day trip to New Orleans, eat breakfast at Café Du Monde, lunch at The Court of Two Sisters, and see if we can do a “disaster viewing trip” into the 9th Ward. (I have heard they are rebuilding some very expensive homes in the levee flood zone. How weird is that?) We will probably argue about something, but we will find pleasure at just being able to be in Post Katrina New Orleans together. If there is anything interesting to photograph, I’ll post pics after we return.
It occurs to me that my partner usually wants to hold it together more than I do. There is a comfort zone in that for me. The knowledge that leaving IS an option and that I can leverage that option to my advantage allows me to be content in my marriage. I don’t have to keep score. I just remind myself that I can leave anytime I wish. Of course, after 25 years, I’d be hard pressed to find someone else who would humor me at my age and temperament, not that I’d want to do the marriage thing again, ever.
I love my partner. Being ‘in love’ is for those lucky enough to have found their soul mate. Not all of us are lucky enough to be married to our soul mates. Sometimes the knowledge that I am loved is enough. I have been loved and have loved several times in my life. They were intense, passionate relationships and might not have made good marriages. We don’t always get what we want, but we get what we need.
So my partner and I will take a day trip to New Orleans, eat breakfast at Café Du Monde, lunch at The Court of Two Sisters, and see if we can do a “disaster viewing trip” into the 9th Ward. (I have heard they are rebuilding some very expensive homes in the levee flood zone. How weird is that?) We will probably argue about something, but we will find pleasure at just being able to be in Post Katrina New Orleans together. If there is anything interesting to photograph, I’ll post pics after we return.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Narcissists and other psychos…
I have been reading about Narcissism or more precisely, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Esther Buzard Kiner describes the disorder this way. “An individual with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), displays many symptoms which can go unnoticed for quite some time. These symptoms include (but are not limited to): lacking in empathy; takes advantage of other people to achieve their goals; feels a heightened sense of importance; requires constant attention, admiration and praise; has unreasonable expectations of others and expects to be treated favorably at all times; has fantasies of success, power, wealth, or fame; exaggerates intelligence, talents, and achievements; and reacts to criticism with feelings of rage.” Who is Esther Buzard Kiner? She is the survivor of a 17 year marriage to a narcissist.
The DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition) uses this language for Narcissistic Personality Disorder: An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts.
Here is the DSM IV language for Paranoid Personality Disorder: A psychiatric diagnosis characterized by paranoia and a pervasive, long-standing suspiciousness and generalized mistrust of others.
Those with PPD are unlikely to form many close relationships and are typically perceived as cold and distant. They are quick to challenge the loyalty of friends and loved ones and tend to carry long grudges.
I don’t know which is more damaging to children, a narcissist or a paranoid personality in their world.
I have lived with both types, under one roof: a paranoid father and a narcissistic brother. My father was diagnosed with PPD in his late 40s when my mother tricked him into going to a psychiatrist. There was no real treatment for the condition then and my mother had to deal with my father’s last years as best she could. There were 3 children still living at home, my brother (the narcissist) and two sisters. My eldest brother and I had moved out of my parent’s home and were finishing up our college degrees.
If one personality disorder can cause another, I believe my father’s paranoia was a contributing factor in my brother’s narcissism. According to the Cleveland Clinic’s website, “…narcissism results from extremes in child rearing …narcissistic personality disorder might develop as the result of neglect or abuse and trauma inflicted by parents or other authority figures during childhood.” My brother’s very fragile self esteem was vulnerable to my father’s emotional unavailability, instability and rages.
My father is dead but my brother goes on. I have severed contact with him because I do not want to be treated badly when he has the need to feel superior. There is enough insanity in the world and I don’t want to have it festering on my doorstep. My two sisters were damaged by my father’s mental and physical cruelty, and later by my brother’s lack of empathy and unreasonable expectations. They endured until they were old enough to move away. I can still see the emotional scars they carry as adults. My brother continues to live at home with my mother. He will never leave.
The DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition) uses this language for Narcissistic Personality Disorder: An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts.
Here is the DSM IV language for Paranoid Personality Disorder: A psychiatric diagnosis characterized by paranoia and a pervasive, long-standing suspiciousness and generalized mistrust of others.
Those with PPD are unlikely to form many close relationships and are typically perceived as cold and distant. They are quick to challenge the loyalty of friends and loved ones and tend to carry long grudges.
I don’t know which is more damaging to children, a narcissist or a paranoid personality in their world.
I have lived with both types, under one roof: a paranoid father and a narcissistic brother. My father was diagnosed with PPD in his late 40s when my mother tricked him into going to a psychiatrist. There was no real treatment for the condition then and my mother had to deal with my father’s last years as best she could. There were 3 children still living at home, my brother (the narcissist) and two sisters. My eldest brother and I had moved out of my parent’s home and were finishing up our college degrees.
If one personality disorder can cause another, I believe my father’s paranoia was a contributing factor in my brother’s narcissism. According to the Cleveland Clinic’s website, “…narcissism results from extremes in child rearing …narcissistic personality disorder might develop as the result of neglect or abuse and trauma inflicted by parents or other authority figures during childhood.” My brother’s very fragile self esteem was vulnerable to my father’s emotional unavailability, instability and rages.
My father is dead but my brother goes on. I have severed contact with him because I do not want to be treated badly when he has the need to feel superior. There is enough insanity in the world and I don’t want to have it festering on my doorstep. My two sisters were damaged by my father’s mental and physical cruelty, and later by my brother’s lack of empathy and unreasonable expectations. They endured until they were old enough to move away. I can still see the emotional scars they carry as adults. My brother continues to live at home with my mother. He will never leave.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
More Pet Peeves
* Neighbors who leave their trash cans exactly in the spot where the trash pick-up people threw them until the next trash pick-up a week later.
* People who park their grocery carts in the middle of the aisle, while looking for an item, so the rest of us can’t get around them.
* Drivers who hug my bumper.
* Elvis Presley fans.
* Computer hackers that slow down My Facebook and My Blog.
* Changes in TV programming without notice. PBS does this a lot.
* Loud annoying conversations from another table in a quiet restaurant.
* McDonalds running out of Fruit & Yogurt Parfait, in the morning.
* Inaccurate weather forecasts.
* “One to a customer” ads.
That should do it for awhile.
* People who park their grocery carts in the middle of the aisle, while looking for an item, so the rest of us can’t get around them.
* Drivers who hug my bumper.
* Elvis Presley fans.
* Computer hackers that slow down My Facebook and My Blog.
* Changes in TV programming without notice. PBS does this a lot.
* Loud annoying conversations from another table in a quiet restaurant.
* McDonalds running out of Fruit & Yogurt Parfait, in the morning.
* Inaccurate weather forecasts.
* “One to a customer” ads.
That should do it for awhile.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Pet Peeves
• Cat owners who tell me “cats weren’t meant to be on leash”. (So, maybe they were meant to roam all night long and get run over by a car or shot when the cat “sprays” the next-door neighbor’s front door, or craps in their fenced-in backyard?) This is really a PET peeve, pun intended.
• Commercials for new medicines, especially Viagra, Cialis and Levitra for erectile dysfunction. It’s no wonder Pharma doesn’t want REAL health care reform. It might cut out the tsunami of profits they make off a man’s vanity.
• People who never ask my POV and just assume I agree with theirs.
• Gifts that I’ll never use.
• Airlines that lose my luggage or make me miss my connection and offer no solution or remuneration. ~ Plug for TACA Airlines here: TACA lost my luggage on a trip to El Salvador, found it after 3 days, and paid me $75 for my trouble. On my return trip, they upgraded me to First Class. I’ll fly them again, but I’ll carry at least one change of clothes in my carry-on bag.
• Frivolous lawsuits. There should be a clearinghouse for all litigation with a “stress test” to see if it is meritorious. But that wouldn’t make it past the lobbyists for the American Bar Association. Must have lots of trials to make lots of money.
• Lobbyists
• People who don’t read and don’t want to. This is a recipe for mob rule.
• Crappy movies starring A-list actors. What a waste of time and talent. My time, their talent.
• Pop-ups, dancing/gyrating images in on-line ads on my home page, spam, chain e-mails, etc.
I have more. Later…
• Commercials for new medicines, especially Viagra, Cialis and Levitra for erectile dysfunction. It’s no wonder Pharma doesn’t want REAL health care reform. It might cut out the tsunami of profits they make off a man’s vanity.
• People who never ask my POV and just assume I agree with theirs.
• Gifts that I’ll never use.
• Airlines that lose my luggage or make me miss my connection and offer no solution or remuneration. ~ Plug for TACA Airlines here: TACA lost my luggage on a trip to El Salvador, found it after 3 days, and paid me $75 for my trouble. On my return trip, they upgraded me to First Class. I’ll fly them again, but I’ll carry at least one change of clothes in my carry-on bag.
• Frivolous lawsuits. There should be a clearinghouse for all litigation with a “stress test” to see if it is meritorious. But that wouldn’t make it past the lobbyists for the American Bar Association. Must have lots of trials to make lots of money.
• Lobbyists
• People who don’t read and don’t want to. This is a recipe for mob rule.
• Crappy movies starring A-list actors. What a waste of time and talent. My time, their talent.
• Pop-ups, dancing/gyrating images in on-line ads on my home page, spam, chain e-mails, etc.
I have more. Later…
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Old Friends...
You are in the 20 to 40 year old range, raising children, working, buying a home, a car, dealing with the myriad pressures of family and work life. Do you stay in touch with your friends? If you got a call from an old buddy needing to talk or needing help with moving a piece of furniture, would you be there?
I wish I had had the opportunity to stay in touch with more of my friends, but being a military brat did not allow for a lot of connection before the age of PCs and cell phones. Letter writing was all I had then since phone calls were too expensive. And if my friend’s dads were transferred before my letter reached them, I lost touch. One very special friend and I have managed to stay in touch for over 50 years even though for a decade or so we lost contact while we were getting married, setting up our homes, and nourishing our careers. We reestablished communication back in the 90s when my husband and I took a trip to Washington DC and I knew from my mom who had heard from her mom that she lived somewhere in the area. Since then she and I have had some great conversations by email, cell phone, and in person.
I did not know when she found out she had breast cancer so I could not be there for her. When I discovered I had breast cancer, I sent her an email asking about all the steps I should be aware of and the next day she was on the phone welcoming me to a club neither of us had wanted to join. I learned from her not to be afraid because breast cancer was no longer a death sentence. She was there for me by long distance and by email. I thank my dearest friend for her support and caring. We are still in touch even though we both still work and are still busy. But if she called me tomorrow, I’d be there….
There is always a song or a film that illustrates what I’m thinking and feeling and I dedicate the following Simon and Garfunkle song to my friend Mary.
Words & music by paul simon
Old friends,
Old friends
Sat on their park bench
Like bookends.
A newspaper blown though the grass
Falls on the round toes
Of the high shoes
Of the old friends.
Old friends,
Winter companions,
The old men
Lost in their overcoats,
Waiting for the sunset.
The sounds of the city,
Sifting through trees,
Settle like dust
On the shoulders
Of the old friends.
Can you imagine us
Years from today,
Sharing a park bench quietly?
How terribly strange
To be seventy.
Old friends,
Memory brushes the same years
Silently sharing the same fears
I wish I had had the opportunity to stay in touch with more of my friends, but being a military brat did not allow for a lot of connection before the age of PCs and cell phones. Letter writing was all I had then since phone calls were too expensive. And if my friend’s dads were transferred before my letter reached them, I lost touch. One very special friend and I have managed to stay in touch for over 50 years even though for a decade or so we lost contact while we were getting married, setting up our homes, and nourishing our careers. We reestablished communication back in the 90s when my husband and I took a trip to Washington DC and I knew from my mom who had heard from her mom that she lived somewhere in the area. Since then she and I have had some great conversations by email, cell phone, and in person.
I did not know when she found out she had breast cancer so I could not be there for her. When I discovered I had breast cancer, I sent her an email asking about all the steps I should be aware of and the next day she was on the phone welcoming me to a club neither of us had wanted to join. I learned from her not to be afraid because breast cancer was no longer a death sentence. She was there for me by long distance and by email. I thank my dearest friend for her support and caring. We are still in touch even though we both still work and are still busy. But if she called me tomorrow, I’d be there….
There is always a song or a film that illustrates what I’m thinking and feeling and I dedicate the following Simon and Garfunkle song to my friend Mary.
Words & music by paul simon
Old friends,
Old friends
Sat on their park bench
Like bookends.
A newspaper blown though the grass
Falls on the round toes
Of the high shoes
Of the old friends.
Old friends,
Winter companions,
The old men
Lost in their overcoats,
Waiting for the sunset.
The sounds of the city,
Sifting through trees,
Settle like dust
On the shoulders
Of the old friends.
Can you imagine us
Years from today,
Sharing a park bench quietly?
How terribly strange
To be seventy.
Old friends,
Memory brushes the same years
Silently sharing the same fears
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