What would I do if I knew today would be my last day alive? I guess I would review how I have spent the last 65+ years, the regrets, and the joys. I would call people I love and say goodbye and apologize to them for all my transgressions. I would cry from fear of the unknown. I would try to change my fate so I could have one more day, or week, or year. "Knowing" that today would be the last time I would see or feel, love and be loved, laugh, cry, smell, eat…”knowing” would be the worst part about the whole day. I might even consider suicide to stop the emotional pain of “knowing”. Obviously this makes a good case for the axiom “If we knew our future, we wouldn’t have one.” But I wouldn’t want the end to come any sooner. I would cling to every second I knew I had remaining. I might even hope that there was a God and that all the stories about everlasting life were true just so "I" wouldn't end. Examining what my actions and emotions might be based on my last day alive makes me consider what I should do with the rest of my days beginning today. I don’t know how long that will be but based on actuarial data, I have about 20 more years, or approximately 7,300 days left. I could go crazy lining up 7,300 projects and my daily circumstances would dictate how most of those days would be spent, totally out of my control. Living every day as if it were my last might be filled with disappointment if I didn’t have a 24-hour plan in advance of each day and be unable to complete every item in that plan. That is not really living. That is acting as if I were living, planning to live, like scripting my life. So I guess I will continue to do all those everyday living things like eating, sleeping, cleaning, shopping, going to doctors appointments, watering plants, paying bills, making a will, surfing the internet…all the things that are at times mindless and at other times maddening. I am already living every day as if it were my last.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Living every day as if it were the last?
What would I do if I knew today would be my last day alive? I guess I would review how I have spent the last 65+ years, the regrets, and the joys. I would call people I love and say goodbye and apologize to them for all my transgressions. I would cry from fear of the unknown. I would try to change my fate so I could have one more day, or week, or year. "Knowing" that today would be the last time I would see or feel, love and be loved, laugh, cry, smell, eat…”knowing” would be the worst part about the whole day. I might even consider suicide to stop the emotional pain of “knowing”. Obviously this makes a good case for the axiom “If we knew our future, we wouldn’t have one.” But I wouldn’t want the end to come any sooner. I would cling to every second I knew I had remaining. I might even hope that there was a God and that all the stories about everlasting life were true just so "I" wouldn't end. Examining what my actions and emotions might be based on my last day alive makes me consider what I should do with the rest of my days beginning today. I don’t know how long that will be but based on actuarial data, I have about 20 more years, or approximately 7,300 days left. I could go crazy lining up 7,300 projects and my daily circumstances would dictate how most of those days would be spent, totally out of my control. Living every day as if it were my last might be filled with disappointment if I didn’t have a 24-hour plan in advance of each day and be unable to complete every item in that plan. That is not really living. That is acting as if I were living, planning to live, like scripting my life. So I guess I will continue to do all those everyday living things like eating, sleeping, cleaning, shopping, going to doctors appointments, watering plants, paying bills, making a will, surfing the internet…all the things that are at times mindless and at other times maddening. I am already living every day as if it were my last.
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