Halloween and me…

I am hypervigilant! Whether my wary and watchful ways are the result of being the child of a child abuser or some other creepy influence, I keep an eye or an ear ever alert for danger whether real or dreamt. I feel that I can keep my family and home safe if I am always ready for whatever uncertainty is occupying my consciousness during the day or my dreams at night. The internet is a perfect companion to my terrors. Google any subject and there will pop up a blog, survey, medical report, or some video that illustrates any of my scariest ideas in ways I haven’t yet imagined. Nothing so far has been helpful or hopeful to allay my sense of imminent peril probably because human nature trends toward the dark side and the bizarre and preys on my psychological vulnerabilities. I wonder how many others are out there like me? How do they bring sanity and reality back into their lives to combat those depressing scenarios they have created? I try to compartmentalize and clean. I dust, scrub, and scrape until I am exhausted. Nothing I do can wash out these fears. If I could harness all this and write a book like “Pet Sematery” by Stephen King, or “Cloverfield” by Drew Goddard or “1984” by George Orwell, I might make enough money to build a fortress to keep me and mine safe. But then the nightmares would come back. This time it would be about losing everything. Halloween is fun for kids but it is a breeding ground of anxiety and panic for me. I will open my door to ghosts, goblins, princesses, pharaohs, spidermen, and more and ooh and aah for the delight of the children. Secretly I will be glad when 9 PM arrives and I can turn out the light and take down the fake tarantula and ghostly sheet. My home will be besieged no longer. I will have to convince myself that there are no serial killers taking advantage of this holiday. Halloween and me, not the best of friends…